schizodefective

poetry

Make me plead Make me cry Make me bleed Then let me dry Stab that knife into my eye Eviscerate me, make me fly Launch my guts across the sky Spread my ashes, let me die Let me crawl Into that body bag Stuff my mouth With a filthy rag Let me rest, in this morgue Leave my stiff body to sag Decompose it, burn it down Melt it down into slag I don’t get no funeral No respect, no folded flag I’m just a roadkill Without a name tag

#poetry #depressing

I broke my skin with my teeth I found bad things underneath Demons with horns and teeth Demons awaiting their release I have to say my goodbyes Before the time of my demise Before I lose control And my monsters start to rise My demons lie in wait Biding their time in debate I won't take their bait I won't let them sate Their appetite to desecrate 'Cause everytime they ate They grew at a prodigious rate I won't channel this hate I will set them straight Before it is too late I won't live this fate

#poetry

Corruption smells like roses Till the petals touch your lips They turn to poisonous nettles Like the best relationships

They seep into your veins And change you from within When you think you’re done with pains Brand new blisters fill your skin

Insidious changes make you blame yourself It wasn't your decisions that made you do this It was the poison, it made you blind and deaf And you never noticed anything was amiss

Love corrupts perspectives And takes away your choices Love makes you protective And silences all other voices

Love breaks common sense And corrupts your logical thinking It breaks down any defense And your horizons start shrinking

Love is a construct humans made To justify their innate meekness Love is a construct we use to evade Confronting our own weakness

Love is for those who feel insecure In their own futures Love is the promise of a cure But is usually just sutures

Love is an empty promise, Delivered on rosy lips A ploy from a wily goddess Torture. No flails, nor whips

Cull frailty and weakness Escape from her grips Don’t fall for her meekness And beware her tricks

Say no to the temptress As she spreads her legs Be resolute, astute Stay away from her webs

Be unflappable, resolute While she spins her threads Make plans and execute When the corruption spreads

Love is a broken mirror, Beholden by the needy, A mistake, a cognitive error, For a psyche that’s always greedy.

#poem #poetry #truth about #love

My brain is missing pieces. They fell along the way. My hand sometimes freezes. And it won’t obey.

Lost and dreaming. Darkness, screaming. Tear drops, glimmering, Sadness, gleaming. Out of my veins they’re streaming Maybe I’m not worth redeeming Stop trying, there’s no meaning Success is just a feeling Neverlasting, Fleeting

Tell me this and tell me true, Have I ever done good to you? Have I ever made one promise, Of which I made good and held to?

I have remorse and many regrets I don’t give a damn about my lost bets And I don’t care for my old debts Or all those stupid threats

Of all the things I freaking miss In this empty, small abyss I miss your stupid lips, I miss your gentle kiss

I wanna write more about happiness and bliss, I wanna recall and reminisce, But screw writing love poems, I really fucking suck at this.

Back on track, I’ll turn that page So embarrassing, at my age. Let’s write of anger, Of existential rage

God just locked me in this cage, Threw the keys in hell, then left the stage I suck at this, there’s no way to gauge If I’m winning this war, inside me I wage

Let me write of strife and sickness, Let me write of mental illness, I’m quite familiar with that topic, I’m a protagonist in that comic.

I feel like a marionette at circus. Tiny hooks underneath my dermis. I keep dancing to these tunes. I keep writing stupid poems.

Set the stage and strobe that light. God has come to watch tonight. Dance little doll, and do it right. Keep in step, and don’t show fright.

“How can I dance?” Asked the little doll. “I spent my life, behind that wall, My whole life, I’ve been on hooks, I’m tiny, and small! You want me to dance, before I learn to crawl?”

The hooks hug tighter, and the little thing whimpers Her fragile mind just breaks and splinters God is watching, and so she simpers She looks behind her, at her little sisters Waiting in line, with their own blisters

“Dance little toy, and make it good. Lest I smite you, where you’re stood.” “Dance little toy. Do it on your own. Lest I grind your flesh and bone.”

There you have it, a piece of my mind A rambling brain that rhymes sometimes I hope you’re happy, oh dear therapist I’m writing it out, as per your request If people think I’m crazy, I won’t protest I’m fucking bored of this mental tryst

I wanna stop thinking words that rhyme I wanna be normal, just this one time I want this mania to fucking stop I want old habits to die out and drop

Why do I commit this literary crime? Why do I ramble words that barely rhyme? They’re never gonna be read or sung It’s not even my mother tongue.

#poetry, more #ramblings of an #ill_mind

Twice hunted, and thrice lost I’m the one they haunt the most My skin burns hot, underneath this frost I made it out, but at what cost?

Not made of stone, my pitted heart I’m flesh and bone, easily torn apart I’m a human being, not a flow chart I’m done with enduring, time to depart

From this norm I’ll break free I’ll break shit and climb a tree I’ll go dunk into the sea Fully clothed in winter

I’m done with these shackles of social norms Done with jail cells we call our homes I’ll break your laws and tear your forms Let’s see what comes when no one conforms

My soul is free, and it shall fly Grow new wings and hit the sky The world is big but we all tie… Ourselves to golden posts and cry

So fuck this chain and gilded cage Fuck this play and fuck this stage I’ll revolt against this age I’ll let out all this rage

Fuck this need to feel secure Fuck the disease and fuck the cure I’ll no longer bear and I’ll not endure I’ll break this mould, I know for sure

I’ll cry out when I feel some pain I’ll show disdain and I’ll complain I’ll talk back and I won’t restrain… Myself from punching back ever again

Keep your walled garden, Where you’re prisoner, And you’re the warden. Draw on walls, Make some art But when your sky falls You’ll have to start Over

You keep your lovely prison cell Your sterile walls and empty shell Keep your ego, make it swell Keep your high horse, And broken citadel

Years fly by, they never pause Time goes by, have no remorse When life bites you, grab her jaws Don’t take shit and break her claws Head-butt her back, and bite her paws

Don’t ever give a fuck about your flaws Don’t seek punishment nor seek applause You are who you are, just because No need for a reason, nor for a cause You’re who you are now, not whoever was

#poetry #poem

Some words call Some words maul Some words stall And some words fall On deaf ears And some grow tall

Words flow like a river Words grow like trees Some words will last forever Some will spread like disease Some words die Some words try Some words cry Some words barely hang by And some words fly Some words take wing and reach the sky

Some words burn brighter than the sun Some words stun Some more dangerous than a gun And some words just want to have fun Some words we shun Some words we tell to everyone

Some words are sad Some words are bad Some are ramblings And some are mad Some words rhyme And some just pad

Some words are negative And some are positive Some are sedentary And some are evocative Some words are passive And some are provocative

Words have dynamics and state Words have charge and weight Words have momentum we can appreciate A property we can’t properly estimate Words have energy we can debate Words have property and trait Words have gravity Words can alter fate

Imagine a universe made of letters Where the molecules represent words Adjectives, verbs, and nouns All chained in neatly cords Imagine their laws of physics Imagine their atomic bonds

Imagine two stars colliding And merging down their meanings Imagine a blackhole’s gravity Sending a prose careening

Imagine letter peptides Recombining, hydrolysing Imagine complex reactions Imagine life arising Imagine little meanings Oxidising, ionising Competing for resources Minimising, maximising Imagine tiny phrases Evolving and specialising Then forming complex proses Fighting and organising

Into your words You breathe new life Words are alive ‘Doodad’ and ‘wife’ It matters not for which you speak Harmony… or strife

#poetry #poem #akaretardedmusingsofatroubledmind

I’m evil and twisted That’s how I roll No such evil ever existed I’m outta control I egg cars with remote control I evade any cops on patrol One day I’ll trap them With an artificial black hole For now I’ll stick with my RC mole I play the evil guy in any RPG On PC or on an evil console I evicted Santa out of the north pole On that message board I troll And when I got banned ‘cuz I’m on parole Then I made a new account and went for more

I’m an evil genius With plans to rule the universe All my plans ingenious With results adverse

I aim to dim the stars I’ll steal a bucket of paint And Elon’s rocket to Mars.

But I need funding for my plans So to begin with, I’ll sell children Boxes of toy cigars

I will break the sun I will steal the moon I will make you run I will make you swoon

Wait, wait. That was a joke Please don’t ban me again I swear my keyboard broke

#stupid #random #poetry

إستحضرت الشيطان فسألنى، عَمّا أريد مقابل ان أبيع روحى؟ فى لحظة وجْدُ وجدتنى أطلُب، ما أنقصه، حبُّ يداوى جروحى. طلبت أن يجعلنى أتقى المؤمنين، أن يُذهب الشك و يوقف جنوحى، و أن يعمر قلبى باليقين، وحب صرف لرب العالمين.

وحين أيقن الشيطان أن الطلب، ليس بمزاح وليس بمَقْلب، توقف عن الضحك ثم شَخَرَ، بركان من خَشَمُه انفجر، فلّ الحديد والحجر، إقتلع جذور الشجر، و قال “قد أخطأ من ذكر، إسم الإله فى حضرتى، فالإسم ذاته إن ذُكر، قد ذهبت معه قوّتى.”

#شعر #عربى #poetry

ثقب فى رأسى يتنامى حتى تلاشت كل الأفكار والحزن يطوف فى عقلى يقتل ويبعثر فى الأشعار

الهمّ كدرع مكسور وانا بين الغضب والإنكار حيران، أدور و اتلهف على حل، بين جنة ونار

كغزال يواجه صيّاده متردد، ضائع، محتار تتكالب الدنيا عليّ تقسى، تتوحش، تنهار

ثقب فى رأسى يتنامى حتى تلاشت كل الأفكار والخوف يقطّع فى قلبى أشواكه كقلاع الصبار

#شعر #Poetry #Arabic #عربي

I'm Schizoaffective, Doubly-defective, My paranoia, Is hypersensitive, My judgement impaired, My madness infective, I'm unassertive, All my decisions, Are subjective, And all my solutions, Are retrospective, Against all evidence Of my delusions, I stay protective. All of my senses, Are damn deceptive, They blend illusions, Till they're indistinctive. My brain projects, A faulty perspective. I'm socially awkward, And apprehensive. In whatever conflict, I am defensive. My long-term memory, Is unretentive. I try to learn, But I'm unreceptive, And unperceptive. I even tried writing, But I'm not descriptive. All my narratives, Are repetitive. All my portrayals, Are not depective.

***

There's something wrong, With my cognition, So I wrote this song, About my condition. The rhymes are strong, But I'm no musician. If you sing along, You're in a similar position.

***

I'm sedentary, I'm mostly inactive, When I hit catatonia, I'm unproductive, Nonadaptive. When my mood rises, I find it eruptive. That makes me disruptive, And maybe destructive, Or even corruptive, Only then my brain, Becomes conductive. My neurons light up, Finally conjunctive, Though wired wrong, They're superconductive, And that's even worse, That's just obstructive.

***

There's something strong, With my cognition, So I wrote this song, About my condition. The rhymes are wrong, But I'm no musician. If you feel you belong, You're in a similar position.

***

I only wish I could rewire, The brain-cells that misfire, Kill the ones that conspire, Maybe then I'll escape this mire, In case I can't, I'll just enquire, Can you help? Are you for hire? Will you become my own supplier? Nonexistence, my desire, This rotten mush about to expire, It's time for this brain to finally retire, So bring the brimstone, bring the fire, All those things that I require, Can you help me light up this pyre? And turn to dust this thorny brier? Maybe it'll end, or I'll garner godly ire, Or maybe I'll reincarnate higher, On the scale from bad to dire

***

I just wrote this song, About my condition, I told you what's wrong, With my cognition, The facts are strong, From my position. Please help me along, If you heard my transmission.

#poetry #songwriting #depressing #schizoaffective