schizodefective

The enthralling tales of a lost dilettante.

Blessed by anger Blessed by fear Blessed by hunger Blessed to slumber Blessed by thunder To be torn asunder Blessed to roam Away from home Blessed to wander Blessed to witness Blessed to wonder Blessed by war Blessed to soar And destined to crash ashore Blessed to fall Blessed to crawl And blessed be My timely downfall

I know that pyre I’ve once been burned and set afire I won’t look up. I won’t aspire Tantalising. A grave desire I can feel the thorny brier I can taste the electric wire I can smell the burning tyre Make it fierce and make it dire I’m not here to garner ire I’m here to walk into that fire

I feel the wind against my skin As I fall towards my ender It beckons and welcomes me like kin All it wants is my surrender Nothing will make up for my sin Like the end of this pretender The earth welcomes with a grin With open arms. So fond and tender

I fall and sink into the bed of leaves Gaia beckons, and Gaia believes That every lost soul receives What every lost soul once achieves Every marauder that steals and reaves And every soiled soul that thieves Shall meet an end that it conceives As Just an end as it perceives

Seven billion angry parasites Fighting wars and getting in fights They plan to fly to new heights They plan to launch more satellites They plan to sate their appetites They plan to spread to new sites

Seven billion hungry gnats Bringing wives and ugly brats Bringing animals and their plants Republicans and democrats Soldiers and diplomats Aristocrats and bureaucrats They plan to build new habitats

In vacuum, you can build your dreams In vacuum, there are no winning teams In vacuum, you die from the tiniest seams In vacuum, every ore gleams In vacuum, everyone schemes In vacuum, they can’t hear your screams

Make me plead Make me cry Make me bleed Then let me dry Stab that knife into my eye Eviscerate me, make me fly Launch my guts across the sky Spread my ashes, let me die Let me crawl Into that body bag Stuff my mouth With a filthy rag Let me rest, in this morgue Leave my stiff body to sag Decompose it, burn it down Melt it down into slag I don’t get no funeral No respect, no folded flag I’m just a roadkill Without a name tag

#poetry #depressing

Mein Gehirn ist schwer. Schlecht verdrahtet, mein Kopf Es ablasst Dampf wie ein Schnellkochtopf Es dreht sich wie ein Brummkreisel Der Wahnsinn nahm meine Gedanken als Geisel Ich möchte meine Gedanken zurückhaben Sie wurden von mir abschaben Aber das wird nicht passieren Ich will neu programmieren

#Deutsch

Here I go again Opening google Searching for my name Thirsty for mentions Thirsty for fame Social media is to blame They moulded us to seek acclaim Supplied our need for validation And to our time, they have a claim Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter, Instagram, Tiktok, whatever Whore and make a duckface, lame Take some selfies on the shitter You’re gonna be stuck with it forever After your thirty minutes of shame Your dignity will no longer be the same Anything for mentions, anything for views Be digitally relevant, go on the news Create a new meme, try to amuse You’re a YouTuber, prank and abuse Lie and slander, make an excuse Beat a homeless person, light a fuse Film some meth-heads licking your feet Give them dough and they’ll act sweet Put it on Instagram, on YouTube All for a hook, all for a scoop Let’s film a midget dance with a freak With a violin track to make it more bleak Bring in some strippers for teens that peek Let’s make this freak-show more unique

I broke my skin with my teeth I found bad things underneath Demons with horns and teeth Demons awaiting their release I have to say my goodbyes Before the time of my demise Before I lose control And my monsters start to rise My demons lie in wait Biding their time in debate I won't take their bait I won't let them sate Their appetite to desecrate 'Cause everytime they ate They grew at a prodigious rate I won't channel this hate I will set them straight Before it is too late I won't live this fate

#poetry

Corruption smells like roses Till the petals touch your lips They turn to poisonous nettles Like the best relationships

They seep into your veins And change you from within When you think you’re done with pains Brand new blisters fill your skin

Insidious changes make you blame yourself It wasn't your decisions that made you do this It was the poison, it made you blind and deaf And you never noticed anything was amiss

Love corrupts perspectives And takes away your choices Love makes you protective And silences all other voices

Love breaks common sense And corrupts your logical thinking It breaks down any defense And your horizons start shrinking

Love is a construct humans made To justify their innate meekness Love is a construct we use to evade Confronting our own weakness

Love is for those who feel insecure In their own futures Love is the promise of a cure But is usually just sutures

Love is an empty promise, Delivered on rosy lips A ploy from a wily goddess Torture. No flails, nor whips

Cull frailty and weakness Escape from her grips Don’t fall for her meekness And beware her tricks

Say no to the temptress As she spreads her legs Be resolute, astute Stay away from her webs

Be unflappable, resolute While she spins her threads Make plans and execute When the corruption spreads

Love is a broken mirror, Beholden by the needy, A mistake, a cognitive error, For a psyche that’s always greedy.

#poem #poetry #truth about #love

My brain is missing pieces. They fell along the way. My hand sometimes freezes. And it won’t obey.

Lost and dreaming. Darkness, screaming. Tear drops, glimmering, Sadness, gleaming. Out of my veins they’re streaming Maybe I’m not worth redeeming Stop trying, there’s no meaning Success is just a feeling Neverlasting, Fleeting

Tell me this and tell me true, Have I ever done good to you? Have I ever made one promise, Of which I made good and held to?

I have remorse and many regrets I don’t give a damn about my lost bets And I don’t care for my old debts Or all those stupid threats

Of all the things I freaking miss In this empty, small abyss I miss your stupid lips, I miss your gentle kiss

I wanna write more about happiness and bliss, I wanna recall and reminisce, But screw writing love poems, I really fucking suck at this.

Back on track, I’ll turn that page So embarrassing, at my age. Let’s write of anger, Of existential rage

God just locked me in this cage, Threw the keys in hell, then left the stage I suck at this, there’s no way to gauge If I’m winning this war, inside me I wage

Let me write of strife and sickness, Let me write of mental illness, I’m quite familiar with that topic, I’m a protagonist in that comic.

I feel like a marionette at circus. Tiny hooks underneath my dermis. I keep dancing to these tunes. I keep writing stupid poems.

Set the stage and strobe that light. God has come to watch tonight. Dance little doll, and do it right. Keep in step, and don’t show fright.

“How can I dance?” Asked the little doll. “I spent my life, behind that wall, My whole life, I’ve been on hooks, I’m tiny, and small! You want me to dance, before I learn to crawl?”

The hooks hug tighter, and the little thing whimpers Her fragile mind just breaks and splinters God is watching, and so she simpers She looks behind her, at her little sisters Waiting in line, with their own blisters

“Dance little toy, and make it good. Lest I smite you, where you’re stood.” “Dance little toy. Do it on your own. Lest I grind your flesh and bone.”

There you have it, a piece of my mind A rambling brain that rhymes sometimes I hope you’re happy, oh dear therapist I’m writing it out, as per your request If people think I’m crazy, I won’t protest I’m fucking bored of this mental tryst

I wanna stop thinking words that rhyme I wanna be normal, just this one time I want this mania to fucking stop I want old habits to die out and drop

Why do I commit this literary crime? Why do I ramble words that barely rhyme? They’re never gonna be read or sung It’s not even my mother tongue.

#poetry, more #ramblings of an #ill_mind

Twice hunted, and thrice lost I’m the one they haunt the most My skin burns hot, underneath this frost I made it out, but at what cost?

Not made of stone, my pitted heart I’m flesh and bone, easily torn apart I’m a human being, not a flow chart I’m done with enduring, time to depart

From this norm I’ll break free I’ll break shit and climb a tree I’ll go dunk into the sea Fully clothed in winter

I’m done with these shackles of social norms Done with jail cells we call our homes I’ll break your laws and tear your forms Let’s see what comes when no one conforms

My soul is free, and it shall fly Grow new wings and hit the sky The world is big but we all tie… Ourselves to golden posts and cry

So fuck this chain and gilded cage Fuck this play and fuck this stage I’ll revolt against this age I’ll let out all this rage

Fuck this need to feel secure Fuck the disease and fuck the cure I’ll no longer bear and I’ll not endure I’ll break this mould, I know for sure

I’ll cry out when I feel some pain I’ll show disdain and I’ll complain I’ll talk back and I won’t restrain… Myself from punching back ever again

Keep your walled garden, Where you’re prisoner, And you’re the warden. Draw on walls, Make some art But when your sky falls You’ll have to start Over

You keep your lovely prison cell Your sterile walls and empty shell Keep your ego, make it swell Keep your high horse, And broken citadel

Years fly by, they never pause Time goes by, have no remorse When life bites you, grab her jaws Don’t take shit and break her claws Head-butt her back, and bite her paws

Don’t ever give a fuck about your flaws Don’t seek punishment nor seek applause You are who you are, just because No need for a reason, nor for a cause You’re who you are now, not whoever was

#poetry #poem

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